Revenge: The Diet Guide to the Jewish Holidays:Rosh Hashanah ———- FeastTzom...

The Diet Guide to the Jewish Holidays:

Rosh Hashanah ———- Feast
Tzom Gedalia —————- Fast
Yom Kippur ——————— More fasting
Sukkot —————————— Feast for a week +
Hashanah Rabbah —— More feasting
Simchat Torah ————! - Keep right on feasting
Month of Heshvan ——- No feasts or fasts for a whole…

I once worked with a very dishonest woman. She used to look for ways to shirk and leave her duties for others to pick up. She was also out to make a quick buck, suing a company, if necessary.

On Christmas week, she’d be scheduled for a biopsy. Every year, without fail. One year, she became Jewish, because, her husband explained, Jews get a whole lot more holidays than Baptists or Lutherans. So to prove her bona fides as a Jewish woman, she brought in bagels with lox and cream cheese. Not kidding.

She proudly proclaimed her Jewish religiosity, needing this new year’s day off or that feast of huts or something….until Easter. I spied a large smoked ham in her cart and asked her: “Is that a kosher ham?”

(Source: notthelights, via yerushalayimshelzahav)

3 months ago